I’m having an internal crisis of sorts – emotional and mental. In terms of this space. I’m feeling both uninspired and guarded. Dull, empty, tired, and private, quiet, hesitant. A few months ago I made a concerted effort to beef up my blog. I started intentionally sharing more fashion posts, details of my travels, updates on making a home, and for a few weeks shared a daily color board.

And then the holidays came. I spent a few weeks at home in Maine. I skied, I visited friends, I spent quality time with my family. I traveled for two weeks in January and remembered how wonderful it is to spend time with the people I love. I reconnected with all of my best girlfriends. My 7 roommates from college. And my 8 best friends from home. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun.

And then this. All of this happened.

I returned to Boston, I came back to work and life felt like it stopped. Life didn’t stop, of course it kept going.. but the exhilarating feeling that lives inside of me, the one that makes me feel like I’m really living, truly enjoying life. That went away.

I hit a wall this month. It’s certainly not how I envisioned the beginning of 2012, but it’s left me thinking.

What the heck am I doing? I spend 8 hours a day in front of a computer at work, only to waltz into my apartment and plop on the couch and surf the blogosphere for another 2 hours before making dinner, watching tv, and going to bed. My boyfriend wants to throw my computer out the window, and I guess when I really think about it – I don’t blame him.

I am consumed by my computer. My internet life. My iPhone, my iPad. Google Reader, Pinterest, Tumblr, Twitter. I could spend my entire life in front of my computer. But that isn’t what it’s all about, is it? This holiday season. That’s what life is really about. It’s about choosing a day outside with friends over catching up with my blog. It’s about going out to lunch with my boyfriend instead of browsing Pinterest on my lunch break. It’s about going away on the weekends, trying new things. Getting outside and getting together with people.

So I don’t know what decision I’m making right now. I suppose I’m not ready to make any, yet. But I’m thinking. I’m thinking about the purpose of this blog – what it is now, and what it should be moving forward. It started as truly private space. Where I talked about relationships, life and happiness. It’s changed a lot since then, but it still doesn’t feel authentic. I want a place where I can mash my thoughts with my Tumblr photos and quotes. I want to share things I pin on Pinterest in that same place. I want one, single space that is true to who I am and that’s just not the case right now.

My internet world is becoming too cluttered, and it’s stressing out my mind, and my real life relationships.

And I need your help! I entered the boyfriend and myself in a Facebook contest to win a free ski vacation in Salt Lake City. Turns out there are less than 150 entries, so as far as online contests go, the chances of winning this one aren’t too shabby!

The prize package is the vacation of a lifetime. A ski vacation in Salt Lake City for myself and 3 friends. Accommodations in a slope side cabin. Dinner out on the town, a concert at night and … a new camera to capture the whole thing!

So here’s where you come in. The entry with the most “likes” wins. Will you “like” my entry?

1. Log into Facebook and go here: http://www.facebook.com/VisitSaltLake?sk=app_168069923289523&app_data=x1605438
2. If “Whitney’s Dream Vacation” pops up, click “like”. You’re done!
3. If my individual entry doesn’t pop up, keep reading.
4. Go to Page 6 of entries and find the 3rd row. Find the entry in the right hand column. It has over 60 votes.
5. Click that entry, click “like”. You’re done!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you times a million. As you know, the boyfriend and I are big skiiers, and he just went out west to ski. But I on the other hand, have never been beyond Vermont!

Please help me win the vacation of my dreams by clicking “like”!

My ex-boyfriend’s mother posted a passage on Facebook this morning. I have no idea who said it or where it came from, but I liked it. Don’t ask why I’m Facebook friends with my ex-boyfriend’s mom.

“Let’s pretend, just for today, all day long, throughout our every thought and decision, that life is easy, that everyone means well, and that time is on our side. Ok? And let’s pretend that we are loved beyond belief, that magic conspires on our behalf, and that nothing can ever hurt us without our consent. All right? And if we like this game, we’ll play again tomorrow as well, and the next day, and the next, and pretty soon, it won’t be a game at all, because life, for us, will become those things. Just as it’s become what it is, today. Thoughts become realities, too.”

Anyways, the point is that this passage is great. It reminds me of the famous line by the Buddha. A line first introduced to me during a theology course in college, that has stuck with me ever since.

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”

It was actually this Buddha quote that prompted me to begin my blog, exactly two years ago. Let me get something off my chest. At the time I was crazy. A few years out of college with a decent job and cute apartment, my life was fun and my relationship… well, intense. Passionate, loving, but intense. I was living a seemingly normal existence for a 23 year old but my mind was running wild. My emotions were all over the place, off the charts, and my soul was aching for something more. Instead of running, throwing everything away and trying to start over, I decided to listen to the teeny, tiny rational part of my head.

I stayed put in Boston, kept the same job (for awhile at least) and continued to move forward in my relationship, falling even more in love with the boyf. But I told myself it was time to take control of my life. Of my thoughts and emotions. So I recalled the quote from the Buddha and said to myself, something along the lines of: Jesus Christ, just be happy. Just try. Think about it. Act like you are. Enjoy life, find happiness in the little things, and start convincing yourself that your life ain’t too shabby! You’re blessed beyond belief with a family that loves you unconditionally, a boyfriend who adores you, friends that will never, ever turn their back and a steady job in the middle of an economic crisis. Life is good. Life is good. Life is good.

After all, in the words of good ole’ Buddha, “With our thoughts, we make the world.”

So where am I going with all of this? I told you how I spent New Year’s Eve with Heather and baby Clara, but I should also share with you some of my goals and resolutions for the new year. But since I haven’t thought those through yet, I thought I’d share a little passage that I saw on Facebook today. A passage that reminded me of a favorite quote. One that took me back to where I was two years ago, and one that will hopefully lead me into the new year with a hope-filled heart and a smile on my face.

Happy new year, friends.

So I’ve been completely, 100% absent from the blog world for 2 weeks. But I’m alive.

I can blame it on my travels and the holiday and a ton going on at work, but the truth is it’s just damn hard. And the longer I’m away, the harder it is to imagine catching up. But hopefully tomorrow. Tomorrow when the boyfriend is at the Patriot’s game and I have the apartment to myself for the day.

I really have so much to update you on.

• Like my trip to Las Vegas
• And my family visit to Los Angeles
• Then I spent 5 days vacationing in Maine with family and old friends
• I had a few wonderful Thanksgiving dinners
• Had 5 of the worst days ever at work
• Made a set of DIY magnets (a la Painted Fish Studio)
• Cleaned the shit out of the apartment in Boston
• Welcomed December by buying almost all of my family’s Christmas presents
• And getting inspired to decorate the apartment
• Bought our first Christmas tree
• Decorated said Christmas tree
• Baked the most delicious cinnamon and chocolate chip cookies
• Made my first of many DIY coasters (a la Style Me Pretty)
• Bought an over sized arm chair and created a reading nook in our bedroom

And I’m sure there’s more. So stay tuned. I promise to return… someday. Like tomorrow.

This is me: at work, pissed off, stressed out, drinking a coffee at almost 7PM on a Tuesday.

Not, fun, my friends. Vegas was great, Los Angeles was better. But I ate way too much food, indulged in too much wine, and the red eye flight home on Sunday threw me off. I’m still recovering, and unfortunately don’t have time for it. Because now it’s Tuesday and I’m working a half day tomorrow, and leaving for Maine immediately afterwards which means tonight I have to finish up work, get home, unpack from the west coast, repack for Thanksgiving, maybe squeeze in a load of laundry and sometime before bed I’d really, really like to go through my pictures, edit my favorites, share them with my friends and family and write a couple of recap posts for the blog.

It’d also be lovely if I could finish catching up on my DVR’ed shows from last week, start my new book and crochet a new cowl as a Christmas present for my sister. On top of that I hope to clean the bathroom and sweep all of the floors so that we can come home next week to a decently clean house.

But I don’t want to push my luck.

The frequency of my posting is on a decline and I attribute this to the fact that between Monday and Friday I have absolutely nothing to report except that I’m still working, still eating, and still sleeping.  Sometimes I chronicle my choice of food.  More often, I share my choice of nail polish.  Not the most riveting blog content.

To be honest, the only time I want to blog is on the weekend when I drive two hours north to Portland.  In Maine I’m happy. I’m with my family and friends and I feel at home.  I’m not stressed, I’m not bored.  I’m relaxed and calm and I never want to leave. Everywhere I go is photo worthy.  The people are more friendly, there is more salt in the air.

I’m beginning to think that this blog should be renamed ‘One Weekend In Maine.’  I’d photograph everywhere I go, share stories about everyone I see.  Document the foods that I eat and the drinks that I drink.

Please excuse my dear blog’s theme.  For the past 2 years I’ve had a blast creating new blog themes, writing my own css, building .php files and learning the ins and outs of Word Press development.  However, I am by no means an advanced .php developer.  And quite honestly, I rarely check out Word Press developer sites to keep on top of updates and their implications for theme development. So, each time Word Press pushes an update, and I install it, I cross my fingers, close my eyes and hold my breath – hoping that the update doesn’t break my patch work like theme.

So, I’m thinking about returning to a packaged theme.  One that I can customize through css and still try to make look like my own.  But gone are the days of deleting and duplicating and editing .php files.

Bummer.

So, I missed the entire month of May, but I’m back.  I feel like it’s at least my duty to try to return to blogging. It’s June 4. It’s June. Holy, shit.  During the month of May I traveled to NYC and Washington D.C., bought an iPhone (finally), turned 25 and spent a wonderful weekend on the ocean in Maine.  The boyfriend and I loved each other, I spent time with my parents, and I realized just how lucky I am to have such incredibly loyal, and thoughtful friends.  I may, or may not get around to updating you on all of those things – but I’ll try.

I sincerely hope you all had an amazing May like I did.  It certainly awakened my mind and refreshed my soul a little bit — leaving me happier, more hopeful, and excited for the upcoming summer months.

I’m getting there! How do y’all like it? Still have some tweeking to do, but I’m pleased with the static front page. The sticky post just wasn’t necessary for this blog.

Please continue to pardon my appearance over the weekend!

Here I am, 3pm and I’m not done!   Yikes.  I think I made some good progress though, whaddya think?  Do you like the sticky post?  We shall see how it works out!  Anywhoo, it being 3pm and all, I must stop.  Time to shower and get ready.  So much for my to-do list.   I’m still in the exact same place that I was when I wrote that.   Oh well.  So hopefully this weekend I can get to changing the page view, side bars, and archive functions.